she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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