I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize