her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize