you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
