Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize