i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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