God, you're like boner-b-gone
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize