You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
