i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
