Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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