If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
