Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize