there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
