does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
