So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
