I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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