We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize