She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
