i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
