my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
