Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
