You're my little dorito
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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