Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
COCAINE IS GR8
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