Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
