just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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