I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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