Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
