When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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