this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
