Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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