He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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