And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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