Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
