Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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