Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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