I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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