omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
