I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
