is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize