He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
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