god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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