you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
