If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
