i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
