We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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