the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
