alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
