I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
