Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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