Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
