i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
