just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize