he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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