I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
