4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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