Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
