I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
