please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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