Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize