...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
