i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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