I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
