This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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