people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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