If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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