wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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