You made me cry and you don't even care
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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