I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
