and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just want nice things and good sex
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
