Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
